


Gay Joseph HS Angst Shit: yeah idk how to title

by fabulouspie



Category: The Evil Within (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Anxiety, Awkward Boners, Bruising, Bullying, Depression, French, Gym class, Heavy Angst, Hemophilia, Homophobia, Jo's lame and plays the trumpet, Joseph is a vegan, Joseph keeps a journal/diary what a nerd, Juli has Autism, LIKE A LOT OF ANGST, M/M, Nightmares, Nosebleed, OCD, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Seb is problematic, Sexual Fantasy, Sexual Tension, Slurs, Tags added as written, Tatiana being weird and psychic, and a hemophiliac, nurse's office, the Haunted are a gang lmao
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-23
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2018-12-06 00:38:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11589435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fabulouspie/pseuds/fabulouspie
Summary: Joseph Oda just transferred to a new high school after moving to Krimson City from his home in Quebec. He quickly meets a dashing yet ragged man named Sebastian and is instantly lovestruck. However, Sebastian's 'friends' don't exactly approve of Joseph, and want him as far away from Sebastian as possible. Thankfully, Joseph has a friend in the younger Autistic girl, Julie, as well as Francophone teacher, and the creepy school nurse.But Joseph still can't tell anyone, including his overprotective  parents, about the gang of bullies that constantly torment him over his sexuality, and it's killing him inside. All he wants is for Sebastian to stand up for him and put an end to all of this. But how could he ever want to help a loser like Joseph?I don't know how to write summaries but he's a sad trilingual OCD hemophiliac gay boy so read it.





	1. Transfer

**Author's Note:**

> So this fic is for my best friend and I hope this is a good read. I dunno about anyone else, but I project so much into writing my favorite characters, and it helps me a lot with all my issues. So this is definitely going to be angsty, and probably not very happy very often. Sorry :p
> 
> There will for sure be a lot of triggering things in this, and I will tag them per chapter, because I'm adding tags as I go. But just in general, there will mostly likely be some homophobic language, suicidal thoughts, bullying, blood, anxiety, depression, OCD, and veganism.
> 
> I'm sorry if you do not like how I represent these different things, especially with mental illness symptoms, but people vary a lot, and most of this comes from my own experiences, observations, or research (I've spent hours of research on this fic). Also I just suck at writing. Let me know if you have any concerns, or such.
> 
> I'll try so hard to continue writing this until it's done. Any help from anyone reading this by giving me motivation is greatly appreciated.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joseph gets a rocky start on his first day at his new school, but at least there's a cute boy.

           It was Joseph's first day at his new school at the local high school in Krimson City, and the nervousness was threatening to choke him. It was hard enough switching schools, let alone switching countries. He was grateful, at least, that he wasn't starting in the middle of the school year, but he still felt extremely awkward walking down to the office on the first day of school.

          He walked silently, close to the wall, clutching the strap of his black leather shoulder bag tightly in his gloved hands, looking around at the other students in the crowded hallway. He then sighed at the realization that there was no way he would be able to navigate the labyrinth of of people. Thus, he was left to do only one thing.

          Ask someone for help.

          He took a deep breath and walked over to a group of probably seniors and hesitated, before clearing his throat.

          "Hello, excuse me, I'm Joseph Oda and I'm new here. I was wondering if one of you knew where the office was?" he asked, as politely and nicely as he could, doing his best to keep a straight face and not reveal how terrified he was.

          Whatever conversation the group had been wrapped in stopped immediately. Joseph felt each set of eyes look him over, and wondered how soon he could transfer again. Just as he was about to apologize for interrupting, a rough voice spoke up.

          “You need a schedule?”

          Joseph nodded before remembering he had to look at whoever was talking to him. One boy had stepped forward from the group.

          His appearance was the opposite of Joseph’s. He was much more ‘grungy’: the sleeves of his white, button shirt were bunched up at the elbows; his pants had torn, frayed hems and holes in the knees; his posture was lax, making his messy state fitting, which in turn, made Joseph feel ridiculously overdressed in his perfectly pressed shirt, vest, and tie.

          And his _face..._  One could spend hours meticulously examining every detail. His jaw was accented with unshaven stubble. His hair, long and messy, had been lazily slicked back, so several loose strands fell in front of his face. By the time Joseph had look him in the eye, he realized he'd been staring for much longer than was socially acceptable.

          He swallowed thickly, just kind of standing there in front of him, completely at a loss for words. Just his luck, the first person he'd ever talk to in this town was probably the hottest guy he'd ever met, which didn't entirely make sense, considering all of these traits were some major turn offs for Joseph. He liked things clean and orderly. But this boy..well he just felt oddly drawn to him. His brown eyes were narrow and harsh like the rest of him, but had a softness that Joseph suspected could make anyone melt. Joseph took a mental note of this, but was quickly wrenched from his thoughts when the other spoke.

          "It's down the hall. Just take a left," the brunette spoke stiffly, seeming a bit confused, probably wondering what was taking so long for Joseph to get on his way.

          "Oh, yes of-of course, sorry," he said quickly and nodded hard, snapping out of his sort of trance. "Um, thank you," he smiled with a polite nod of his head, his cheeks a dark red.

          Despite his cold demeanor, and unsavory appearance, this guy made Joseph feel warm and dizzy, kind of like a nosebleed. As soon as the feeling came the group began to look at him weird, a mixture of confusement and disgust. Just as confused himself, Joseph opened his mouth to say something and immediately tasted blood on his lips. He quickly grabbed a handkerchief from his pocket and slapped it over his bleeding nose, and dashed off in the direction he'd been shown.

          "What's with him?" one of the other guys laughed, causing some of the others to snicker and roll  their eyes as they watched the new kid run off.

\---

          By some miracle, the nurse's office was in the same direction as the main office, and he quickly stumbled inside. Joseph's parents had already spoken to the school about his hemophilia, which he was very grateful for because the nurse seemed to have recognized him the second he stumbled in, before even looking at him, which was pretty creepy, but he had more urgent matters to think about. Somehow in her psychic recognition of this fancily dressed hemophiliac boy, she knew exactly what he needed. Without looking up, she pointed at the mini fridge and the cot, not saying a word, inspecting her blood red nails. How ironic.

          Joseph normally would have been a bit annoyed with her, but was a bit too focused on not choking on his own blood. So he grabbed an ice pack slipped into the small bathroom, spitting the blood out into the old white sink. He set down his blood soaked handkerchief and traded it for a wad of paper towels. He made his way back out into the main part of the room and sat down gingerly on the probably germ coated cot, given how much the nurse seemed to care.

          After about 15 minutes of bloody paper towels and ice on his nose and cheeks, the bleeding finally stopped. He washed his hands three times and disinfected his gloves, sitting back down and putting his bloody kerchief in a plastic bag and put it into his book bag. He stood up slowly and observed the nurse. She had long dark brown hair pulled back in a low ponytail, a pair of sharp black cat eye glasses, a white dress, and a maroon sweater. Joseph smiled appreciatively at her simple but neat complexion. Maybe the cot had been disinfected after all, though he still doubted it.

          “Thank you, ma’am,” Joseph said politely and began to walk out, not anticipating any response.

          "Be careful out there..." she hummed mysteriously as she filed her nails. Joseph turned around and blinked a little, confused. After a few seconds, he just shrugged it off and went to find the office.

          Joseph breathed a sigh of relief as he stood outside the office and collected himself before he walked inside. He smiled politely at the secretary and thanked her after she helped him get set up and gave him his schedule. His first class was English, and he was already 25 minutes late. He sighed heavily, his stomach sinking, feeling sick again. Of course he had to get a dumb nosebleed on the first day of school. He had to embarrass himself in front of that cute guy and his friends, who now probably thought he was some whack job possessed by Satan, or some anime creep who got nosebleeds when he got turned on. The later was probably more likely, and ten times more embarrassing. Joseph sighed for a third time and put his head in his hands. He scanned his schedule for his second class, deciding to go right there instead of awkwardly showing up halfway through class. It would be the first time he'd ever skipped class, and he felt terrible starting off the year like this, but he didn't want to deal with explaining his condition to the teacher in front of the whole class. Spanish was next, so he slowly made his way to the language wing, quietly pattering down the halls, hiding in the bathroom until the bell rang and people started stomping through the halls into their next class.

\---

          The inside of the Spanish room was crowded and loud, desks pushed into a corner in front of a dirty chalkboard covered in magnets that the teacher must have gotten as souvenirs from various Spanish speaking countries. Similar items coated the walls, though these seemed more authentic and less touristy. Though he could tell the room had a warm comfortable feel, Joseph felt crowded in the small cluttered and busy room.

          Before he could overwhelm himself too much, he took a seat in one of the desks and got out his materials for the class, placing his bag down beside him. He set his pencils and paper down neatly and straightened them all to line up, adjusted his glasses, and smoothed his hair.

          Just as he finished, someone plopped down in the desk beside his, jostling all he neatly placed things. He flinched and jumped slightly, quickly going to fix things and put them back in their place. He didn't dare look at whoever was next to him to tell them off for fear of sounding rude or stuck up on his very first day. So he just looked ahead and waited for the class to start, his ring finger bouncing up and down anxiously as his gloved hands rested on either side of his notebook and pencil. As he did so, the boy from before walked over, sitting down to the right of him.

          "Oh, hello again!" Joseph beamed. "My name's Joseph, though I may have already said that," he laughed cheerily, extending a hand.

          The boy reluctantly held out his hand to shake Joseph's. "Hey, Sebastian," he said with a small cocky smile.

          "I love that name," Joseph gushed, his smile widening as he shook his hand hard. Joseph was about to say something more, but was interrupted by the teacher beginning to talk.

          As class began, Joseph sat forward, quickly taking notes as the teacher spoke, even though it was just the class regulations, he wanted to make sure he stuck to the book.

          Sebastian looked over and raised an eyebrow at Joseph, rolling his eyes a little. As if purposefully doing the exact opposite, he leaned back in his desk and began to doze off, waking up forty minutes later at the bell.

          The class had ended and Joseph slid his perfectly written notes into his binder along with the syllabus and put it back into his black leather shoulder bag. Some kids wore leather to be edgy and cool and rebellious, but Joseph liked to dress very professionally. Though most of the leather he wore, like suspenders, gloves, belts, coats, etc., were fake because he and his family were strict vegans and he didn't believe in taking skin from animals.

          “What's your next class?" Joseph asked, turning to Sebastian who was stretching as he stood up.

          "Huh? Oh.." he mumbled, taking out a crumpled schedule from his pocket. "Looks like I have chemistry."

          A huge smile spread across Joseph’s face. "AP?" he asked quickly.

          "No. I'm not smart," Sebastian said with a playful laugh.

          Joseph's face fell and he looked really confused. "Oh..." he mumbled, and decided not to mention the fact that at least at his old school, chemistry was typically a sophomore class, and this guy looked like he was at _least_ Joseph’s age, probably older. "Well...science is confusing for a lot of people. Especially chemistry and physics. What year are you?"

          "I'm a senior, you?" he asked, cocking his head a little to the left.

          "I'm a junior," Joseph smiled with a nod.

          "Oh wow..." Sebastian laughed. "I thought you were a lot younger. Well...see ya around, kid. I don't think you wanna be late for class," he chuckled with a smirk and a slight nod of his head towards the door before walking out. Joseph blushed, mouth hanging open slightly as he tried to process for a second, before realizing what he’d said and ran after him.

          “Hey, I’m only a year younger than you!” he protested as he weaved through people to find Sebastian. He spotted him next to the water fountain. “Hey! Sebastian! I’m not a kid! Even if I’m younger, I’m ten times more mature than you.”

          “Alright,” Sebastian laughed with a roll of his cute brown eyes. “Sure thing, kid,” he scoffed, humming slightly as he sipped from his water bottle.

          Joseph went to protest again, but the two minute bell rang and he sighed in defeat, turning on his heels and making his way towards his next class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter isn't angsty, but next we'll start to get into it!


	2. Haunted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joseph meets a gang who decide they don't like him too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay getting to some angst!
> 
> Warnings: bullying, homophobia, slurs(f word, r word)  
> (This will probably happen every chapter, but I'll try to remember to tag it anyway  
> Lmk if there's something else I should add!!)

           Joseph ran down the hall to his AP Chem class and darted in just as the bell rang. Some kid laughed as he stumbled into the room and into an open desk. His cheeks went red with embarrassment, but he tried not to pretend like he didn’t notice. The teacher pursed his lips, standing in the front of the room.

           "Excuse me, sir, could you please tell me your name?" Joseph stuttered a little, eyes widening when he realized he was talking to him.

           "I-...Oda....J-Joseph Oda," he gulped, the redness spreading to his ears and down his neck. 

           "Could you please explain to the class why you were late?" he said in a dull and menacing tone. 

           “I-.. I wasn’t! I got here just in time!” he said quickly.

           “I want you  _ in your seat _ before the bell. Do I make myself clear, Mr. Oda? This is a high level class with high expectations, and I expect more from you than you’re giving me. Don’t make me have to tell you again…” he said firmly, and casually turned around to face the whiteboard.

           He began class like nothing happened, but Joseph’s stomach was in knots. The kid next to him punched his arm with a grin. He was kind of short, and a little chubby, with beady brown eyes, and a thin golden chain with a cross on the end draped over his  green and black polo shirt. His jet black hair was cut short and spiky, with the tips seeming to have been bleached into a yellowish orange. He had a thin black mustache, but the rest on his caramel colored skin was cleanly shaven. In Joseph’s opinion, he looked pretty dumb, but from how he carried himself, he could tell this kid was the epitome of cool at this school.

           “You don’t wanna mess with this guy,” the ‘cool kid’ snickered. His breath smelled like garlic and old chili fries. “Are you some kinda newbie or something? I ain’t never seen ya before, and you look fresh outta middle school. You better not be a freshman. I hate those smart ass freshman who take senior classes just to rub it in our faces. We get it, you’re smart,” he scoffed, rolling his eyes.

           “I’m a junior…” Joseph mumbled, feeling quite sick. He looked over at his arm to see a bruise forming where he had been punched, even though it hadn’t been hard. He sighed in slight annoyance. Following Joseph’s gaze, the guy spotted the yellow purple splotch on his arm, and his eyes widened.

           “Holy shit dude!” he cried, though his voice was still low so the teacher couldn’t hear. Joseph silently thanked God or whatever was out there, if there was anything, that they were far away from the teacher.

           “Dude, what happened?! I barely touched you! What are you, some freaky mutant?” he laughed.

           Joseph winced and looked away, but quickly turned back as he was grabbed at the wrist. Before Joseph could even protest, the boy interrupted his thoughts yet again as he tugged him closer, staring at his forearm.

           “Yo, dude..the fuck is this?” he snickered, peering at the silver chain dangling below his black glove. “Why ya wearin’ some pansy ass bracelet?” he asked, twisting it around to look at the engravings on the small plaque, eyes squinting at the small black letters. “Hem-...hemp-lee..oma..? Hem-op-lee-,” he started, before Joseph cut him off.

           “ _ Hemophilia _ ,” he pronounced for him, a bit annoyed, pulling his arm back. “I have type A  _ hemophilia _ , which is why I started to bruise right away when you grabbed me. My blood is lacking in the clotting factor VIII and so I ha-” he tried to explain, but the other boy didn’t seem to be the slightest bit interested about the details of his medical condition.

           “The shit are you wearin’ it for? Fuck, ya look like some damn homo in all your fancy getup and shit..” he snorted.

           “It’s-..it’s just in case I was ever.. In an accident or something and I couldn’t talk to paramedics or someone..so they’d know how to help me..” he mumbled, eyes darting away, wanting to look at anything but him. He’d never had a problem with his bracelet before, and he hadn’t expected to here, either. But of course everything here was unexpected, and completely different than the practically perfect life he’d left behind.

           The guy kept swearing and talking on about how he didn’t really need it because it made him look like- well, he didn’t want to even think that word -and how only- yet another slur - .. _ unmasculine wimps.. _ needed to cry out for medical attention every time they got hurt. Joseph tried to ignore him and just zone out, but he didn’t want to miss what the teacher was saying about grading, so he had to keep listening to his patronizing rant.

           As if to answer some prayer he never made, the teacher cleared his throat at the boy next to him, and pointed towards the door. Joseph gulped when both the boy and the teacher glared at him, and sank lower in his seat. At least the rude kid couldn’t talk to him while he was kicked out of class. Finally he could focus all of his attention on the teacher.

\---

           The clock ticked at an agonizingly slow pace, but the bell eventually rung and Joseph quickly left the classroom, wanting to get away from the teacher and his schmuck of a classmate. Unfortunately, he was immediately grabbed roughly around the bicep, and was tugged a few doors down into the bathroom. It smelled. It was filthy. It was old and worn out. His arm hurt. He was panicking.

           The hand on his arm led to the boy from before. Of course. He should have predicted that.

           “Look, freak,” he growled as two of his friends joined him as well. “That was one crazy stunt you pulled in there, getting me kicked out of class. You ever do that again and we’ll kick your ass, got it?” he snarled. 

           When Joseph nodded quickly, his whole body shaking, he was just shoved against one of the stalls, which creaked open, sending Joseph stumbling backwards, nearly falling into the toilet. His breaths came rapidly in small scared puffs, his glasses knocked askew on his nose, threatening to fall off with another shove.

           “You’re lucky we don’t wash your face right here,” the taller one in the back snorted. He had brown hair, styled similar to Joseph’s, but much more careless. He had a black leather jacket and rugged jeans. The other one was blonde and had a green and yellow plaid flannel, but Joseph quickly realized that their clothes should be the least of his worries. 

           He tried to swallow the huge lump in his throat and pushed his glasses back up with a shaking hand.

           “It really was an accident, I swear. I never meant you to get kicked out…” How was any of this even his fault? This guy was the one talking the whole time. All Joseph said were three words.

           The short leader just rolled his eyes. “Yeah, sure, man. God, look how scared he is,” he laughed to his friends. “You’re shaking so bad I coulda sworn you’d just gotten electrocuted! What are you wearing anyways? This isn’t some fancy date, it’s a fucking high school, retard. What are you, some kinda fuckin’ fag?” he snorted, which got many laughs from his friends.

           “Look, I-” he started, but was just dragged back out of the stall by the blonde.

           “Is that it?” he gasped with a loud snort. “You got some kinda crush on my boy? You tryna get his attention by getting him in trouble? You think you’re some bad boy? Well you’re not!” he finished with an angry shove, sending Joseph against the wall, knocking of his glasses with a soft clatter. 

           Joseph squinted, desperately trying to see, but his eyesight was horrendous without his glasses. He was more scared than ever, and he felt hot tears welling up in his eyes, which only added to his crippling embarrassment and terrible vision. 

           “Awe, look!” the tall brunette laughed as Joseph’s shoulders quaked, sending large tears rolling down his cheeks. “Widdle faggot’s gonna cry?” the boy mocked. “Well that’s what you get around here for tryna get with one of us,” he snickered, but was quickly cut off by the sound of the creaky door opening. 

           Sebastian stood in the doorway looking shocked. “Joseph?” he asked, frowning deeply. Though Joseph could only see a blurry blob, he immediately recognized Sebastian’s voice, and sighed in relief. “What the shit are you doing here? Alvarez, Johnson, McGuffin, scram. Joseph, what the hell? Whatever. You’re lucky I came in,” he said grouchily.

           The three boys glared at Sebastian. The short one narrowed his eyes at Joseph. 

           “I’m gonna be watching you. Don’t you do anything, or I’ll tell everyone about your pansy little crush on me..” he threatened before storming out.

           “Woah woah woah..you’ve got a thing for Alvarez?” Sebastian laughed. “Damn. First day, and you’re already gettin’ busy. And I thought you were weird when you started bleeding everywhere…”

           Joseph moved his arm to wipe off his tears, but all that accomplished was Sebastian noticing the marks there.

           “Holy shit, are those bruises?! Jesus, that looks terrible!” he exclaimed. “Okay, kid..You’re gonna be late for class, so why don’t I take you to the nurse, and you can get some ice. We can both get passes, and neither of us we’ll get in trouble! Just lemme take a piss first, ‘kay, kid?” he offered.

           Joseph nodded weakly, still trying to process what just happened. He was glad the guys were gone, but embarrassed that Sebastian had to see him like this. That he had to rescue him. That he now thought he had a crush on some asshole he’d known for about an hour and already had made a giant hand shaped bruise on his arm.

           “Hey, didn’t you used to have those dorky glasses?” Sebastian asked as he zipped up his pants. He looked around, spotting them on the floor a few feet away. “For fuck’s sake…” he sighed, picking them up and starting to put them on the younger boys face.

           Joseph freaked out. “No! No, they were on the ground..! It’s filthy in here!” he winced, raising his gloved hands to cover his face a.

           Sebastian recoiled, looking startled. “Um...okay….suit yourself, kid…” he said, a bit weirded out.

           “Would-...would you kindly..escort me to the nurse’s office..?” he asked with a shaky sigh, desperately trying to compose himself. “I can clean my glasses there…” he said softly, when Sebastian handed them back. He’d have to wipe down his gloves, too. At least it wasn’t on his hands. 

           While Joseph scrubbed the last of the tears out of his eyes, Sebastian led him to the nurse’s office for his second trip of the day.

\---

           “It’s been awhile since your last visit..” the nurse hummed as she filed her nails, still not looking up to see who was there. “You know..it’s quite rude to use this poor boy just to get yourself a pass, Sebastian...There’s more ice in the fridge.  _ Your _ pass is in there as well, Mr. Oda. None for you, Castellanos, but you don’t really care, do you? But that’s never stopped you before, has it?”

           Sebastian rolled his eyes, clearly used to her antics. “Tatiana is really weird. Don’t question it.”

           Joseph just sat down on the cot, taking out some wipes from his book bag, gently wiping off his glasses like he’d done it a million times before. With an even lighter touch, he wiped down his gloves. He took out his glasses cloth and polished them a little before putting them carefully back on his pale face. He sighed heavily and pulled down his sleeves to hide his new bruises.

           He smiled weakly at Sebastian. “I greatly appreciate all of your assistance..” he said kindly.

           “Sure thing,” Sebastian said, following Joseph out the door, holding their passes. “Look, kid-”

           “I’m not a kid.”

           “Whatever. Don’t go messing with those three again. They call themselves the Haunted. Total assholes when you get on their bad side. And I’d lose that crush, if I were you. That’s not gonna fly here, and they’ll make your life hell, got it?”

           “I don’t have a crush on him! I don’t! I’m not like that, I swear!” Joseph protested.

           “Okay, okay..You don’t need to get so defensive, or people might think you  _ are _ queer,” he chuckled jokingly. Joseph winced, but said nothing. “Look, you should probably get to class…” Sebastian said hesitantly.

           “Oh..yeah…” he sighed heavily. “See ya around…” he mumbled, managing a small smile. Reluctantly, Joseph turned on his heels made his way down the empty hall, clutching the green nurse pass tightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hero Seb saves the day!
> 
> Next chapter has Juli so keep reading ;)
> 
> Sources:  
> https://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health-topics/hemophilia  
> plus more I just forgot to save the links to oops I suck


	3. Pardon My French

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joseph and his history teacher immediately bond over the mutual language of French, and Sebastian is pretty sexy.
> 
> I don't know how to summary or title help me plzzzzzz

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not very angsty but there's some Gay Shit™, and French  
> (correct me if my French is wrong I'm tryin' my best)

           Band went relatively easy. He got a few weird looks when he came in late, but the teacher understood when he explained his condition and just told him he’d had another nosebleed. The first day there was no playing, and the instructor said it would be like that for the first week until everyone had their instrument. Joseph was very grateful, considering his slide trumpet didn’t arrive for another day, and he didn’t really feel like blowing until his face was red and he couldn’t breathe.

           The girl he sat next to, Juli, was very nice. She chewed bright pink gum, which she popped a little too loudly, but she talked to Joseph about her cat Susy, and about her favorite colors and classes, and other random things Joseph gladly welcomed. They drowned out his thoughts as he nodded along, just listening to her talk. 

\---

           Class ended and the bell rang for lunch. His mom had packed him one; chickpea and spinach soup with lentils and quinoa in a stainless steel thermos, and he realized how lame he was. 

           His mother still packed his lunch. Sure, it didn’t help that both his parents were extremely overprotective, but he could at least  _ try _ to be independent and not such a loser. He was a scrawny, gay, Japanese-Canadian, hemophiliac vegan and his mother still cooked every meal for a family dinner, and packed his lunch every night. In other words, he deserved to be bullied.

           He didn’t even want to try to bother with the cafeteria yet. Tomorrow, maybe, when things were calmer, and he hadn’t had such a fiasco of a first day. Instead he tried the nurse’s office. At his old school, he used to find comfort there. It was safe and clean and the nurse was nice, and she noticed any new bruises and made sure to ask what they were from. This nurse was scary. This office was not sterile, and had the weirdest aura to it, but it still felt safe for some odd reason.

           He slowly ate his soup as he wrote carefully in a small black journal. Yet  _ another _ incredibly lame thing about him. Joseph liked to record everything that happened in the day, to have someone to talk to about his feelings, even if a little diary couldn’t understand or respond to anything he wrote in it. And if it did, well, he’d honestly be that terrified Tom Riddle was about to take control of his body and make him write death threats in blood across the walls of the school.

           It was better that way, anyways. Though the diary couldn’t help him, or offer advice, it also couldn’t yell at him, or be disgusted, or tell secrets. It was just a safe little book where he could keep everything inside, and maintain a professional composure on the outside. 

           Tatiana didn’t seem to mind his presence. She didn’t seem to eat, either. Joseph guessed that she must have already taken her break, but she still weirded him out. With nothing else to do, he cleaned up the office a little, figuring he probably would be in here pretty frequently. Eventually, he just went to his next class, history, about ten minutes early.

           The teacher wasn’t there yet, so he just took his seat and read his book. About three minutes later, the teacher came in. He was a thickset older man with a scruffy white beard that stood out against his dark brown skin, matching choppy white hair, and a heavy amount of wrinkles around his eyes and mouth. When he saw Joseph, his eyes went wide.

           “Putain!” he cried, rushing to his desk, dropping some of his paper. “Oh mon Dieu..Il est déjà 12h45?! Oh merde..merde merde merde..” he muttered under his breath, seeming very disgruntled. Joseph’s eyes lit up.

           “Mr. Hubert?” he said excitedly, darting out of his seat, grabbing his fallen papers from the floor and bringing them to his new teacher. “Ah, pardon moi, Monsieur Hubert...je m'appelle Joseph Oda! Je viens  déménager ici du Canada! ” he grinned madly. “Vous parlez français?!”

           The teacher looked thoroughly confused for a moment, not expecting the sudden outburst, but quickly smiled widely, his face crinkling up in a happy expression. It was obvious now that his wrinkles were from his big, loving smile.

           “Ah! Oui, Monsieur Oda!” he laughed and held out his hand to shake, which Joseph quickly accepted, shaking his much larger hand hard in his small gloved one. 

           “D'où venez-vous?” Joseph asked curiously.

           “Oran, Algérie,” Monsieur Hubert smiled and nodded. “Où en Canada?”

          “Quebec,” he smiled back.

           The conversation continued on for a few minutes, both equally glad to have another person to speak their language with, even if they were from different countries.

           Joseph eventually took his seat, right in front, and listened intently the whole class, mesmerized by Monsieur Hubert’s accent as he spoke. He was so happy he didn’t even notice the dude kicking his seat every so often when he shuffled his feet that he rested on the metal tray attached to the underneath his desk.

           When the class ended, Joseph thanked the teacher in French and waved happily as he left the room.

\---

           He had Calc 2 next. Math was one of his favorite subjects, next to science. It was the same in every language, never changing, unlike people. And numbers never lied. They were tactical. They had rules. Everything had an answer, and everything could be explained.

           His Calc teacher wasn’t mean, but not very nice either. She was strict, and serious, but Joseph could tell she was going to be a great teacher. She took no nonsense or slacking off, which Joseph greatly appreciated. It’s not like he would have any problems with following those rules, anyway.

           However, he was a bit distracted by the fact that his next class was gym. He  _ hated _ gym. Not that he wasn't good at it. He was even planning on joining the track team, if they had one. But gym class was terrible. That's where all the perfect athletes took extra classes to be super competitive and mean. Where all the terrible kids could do whatever they wanted, get away with anything. Where they could easily shove you to the floor or pelt you in the face with a ball and call it an accident.

           As Joseph dreaded his oncoming class, Calculus passed quickly. Way too quickly. He wanted it to last forever, never having to face gym, but he knew that was completely irrational. He wasn’t about to back down. It was just a dumb class anyway. Maybe this school would be better, even though the teachers at his old school actually seemed to care about the students and their bad behavior. No one would have been smoking at his old- Nope. He was stopping right there, pushing the negative thoughts away and forcing his feet to move his body down the hallway.

           However, he had no idea where the gym was, because his schedule just said ‘GYM’. How incredibly helpful. Joseph was just about to ask someone for directions, but spotted Sebastian. He grinned excitedly, happy to have an excuse to talk to him, and ran over, slipping between the crowds of people to catch up.

           “Sebastian!” he called, running up beside him. “Hey..um..sorry to bother you, but..could you point me in the direction of the gym?”

           “Huh…?” he asked, turning to see Joseph, giving a small grunt and a nod. “Yeah, sure. Guess so. I mean. I’m goin’ there, anyways,” he shrugged.

           “You are? Gym is..mixed grades…?” he swallowed, still stressed about gym, but very relieved that Sebastian was in it, and happy he had another class with him. Sebastian just nodded, not seeming to want to talk to Joseph. He wasn’t even really looking at him, walking slightly ahead as well. As much as Joseph wanted to respect his space, he really wanted to talk more, so he walked a bit faster. 

           "Do you have a lot of friends..?" he asked. "You were standing around a pretty big crowd when I first talked to you.."

           Sebastian shrugged. "Sure, I’m pretty popular, I guess.."

           “That’s cool...sorry I kinda made some of them hate me…” he said, not sure what to say next. After a minute of awkward silence between them and loud ruckus around them, they arrived at the gym. Ask they walked inside, Joseph asked, "do we need to change clothes...?" He glanced up at Sebastian, looking a bit sick.

           "Yeah."

           "Cool..." he nodded weakly. Even better. "Well I gotta go talk to the teacher..." Joseph mumbled.

           He smiled slightly at Sebastian, even though he wasn’t looking, and walked off. He apologized to the teacher for not having gym clothes yet, saying it would be a while until all of his clothes arrived. That was a total lie. His family had been here about a week, and besides his slide trumpet, there was barely anything that took more than a day to arrive. But he didn’t need to know that. 

           Joseph was very grateful to sit out and watch people from the bleachers. Almost immediately, the teacher, who had insisted that Joseph call him Coach or Coach Jim, had them working hard to catch up on their ‘lazy summer.’ All the students ran laps or did an exercise routine in the middle of the track. Sebastian was getting sweaty and damn did he look hot. Sure there were other sweaty hot guys, but of course he just had to like the unattainable one best.

           He stared at him dreamily. He could definitely get used to getting to watch him for the week where he could pretend he didn't have gym clothes. Sebastian stopped his work out and went to get a drink of water. Joseph scrambled down the bleachers to get a drink as well because  _ damn _ he was thirsty.

           Sebastian looked up when he saw Joseph. "Hey, how's sitting on your ass?"

           Joseph blushed and smiled a little. "It's nice. Do you look like this every day?" he laughed.

           "Hm?"

           "I mean-...you're-...um..sweaty..." he blushed deeper. "I didn't mean to imply like I was..looking...but I needed a drink and you must have needed one too cause you're so..hot and sweaty cause you're..working really hard..."

           Sebastian chuckled and got a drink from the water fountain "Yeah, sure, Coach is like..real intense. He likes us working hard. Like.. _ damn _ , it’s the first fucking day o’ school, man, lighten the fuck up..” Sebastian said with a roll of his eyes. “Well, have fun doing fuck all," he snorted and ran back to the class.

           Joseph blushed as he watched him run off. 

\---

           Joseph was picked up from school by his dad, who asked a lot of questions about his first day but he tried to steer clear of them. With much struggle, Joseph went up to his room like an angsty teenager and shut his door tightly. He looked around at his almost bare room and sighed heavily, collapsing onto the bed. Sure the house was super nice and fancy, but it was new and it smelled weird.

           He tried writing in his journal, and listening to some calming music, but he couldn’t get the thoughts of all of the day’s misadventures out of his mind. Eventually Joseph just started to re-clean his room which helped clear his thoughts and get himself out of his head. He took an hour-long shower, and practiced on the piano in the living room until it was time for dinner. He went to bed immediately after, saying he was tired from his first day, which wasn’t really a lie. He really  _ was _ exhausted. After he changed into his pajamas, he curled up in his bed and instantly passed out. 

           Joseph was only asleep for maybe an hour before the nightmares started. He tossed and turned in his sleep, getting tangled in the sheets. He woke up in a cold sweat, eyes wide with fear, sitting up quickly and breathing hard. He could still feel hands around his throat, and heavy aches where he’d been kicked and punched and beat, even if it had all been a dream. Fear slithered up Joseph’s spine as he thought about how easily his dreams could become realities. He felt defenseless. Scared. Alone. It had only been one day of school and he already had a local gang watching him. His one teacher and his parents were the only people in this town that seemed to care about him. Maybe Juli, but she probably didn’t actually care, it was more likely that she just didn’t actively hate him. Maybe the nurse, but she was terrifying and he couldn’t really tell what she was thinking. And the guy he was crushing on already thought he was a freak. He wasn’t really wrong, so he didn’t blame him.

           Maybe tomorrow would be better. He took another shower and went downstairs, making himself a cup of earl grey tea, and went back to his room. He stared out the window for a while, sipping slowly at his warm drink. He eventually got back to sleep, but his dreams were plagued with more nightmares, though he didn’t wake back up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots more Juli next chapter!


	4. Juli

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joseph learns more about Juli and her relationship with Sebastian.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Juli has Autism, and shes perfect but some people don't trust her or think she is capable of things. Sebastian uses the r word and is problematic. Joseph is savage.

           That morning, Joseph woke up at five. He had intended on waking up at four, but he barely slept. He showered for the third time in 10 hours and went down for breakfast. His mom had made oatmeal with blueberries and a tofu kale pine nut scramble. Joseph ate it appreciatively, and went back to his room to get ready. He wanted to be there extra early to avoid all the crowds, and apologize to his English teacher for not attending yesterday’s class. Sure, he had had a nosebleed, but he still could have gone back after, and he felt bad.

           Joseph told his parents about how he had essentially skipped class for his nosebleed, and apologized deeply. They seemed a little disappointed in him at first, but quickly changed perspective when he explained the nosebleed and wanted to make sure he was okay. Joseph instantly regretted telling them, even though they were his parents. He knew he couldn’t tell them anything else because to them, a nosebleed seemed to be the worst thing imaginable. He didn’t want them to keep babying him over such a small thing. Before they could inspect him for bruises, or ask any other questions, Joseph quickly asked his dad for a ride to school.

\---

           When he got there, he was surprised to see Juli, the girl from his band class, sitting on the front steps. She wore some grey and green basketball shorts, an orange t-shirt with a calico cat on it dressed like a DJ with a black shirt and neon green letters that said ‘TURN UP!’, and a bright blue helmet. Beside her was an old skateboard. There were a few patches on her arms and legs where she’d been scraped pretty hard- Joseph suspected a wipeout on the skateboard -but she still seemed perky and fine.

           Joseph walked over to her with a soft smile. “Hey..”

           “Hi,” she said, tapping her foot hard against the railing. “I’m waiting.”

           “..Oh…?” Joseph asked, a bit confused. “Waiting for…?”

           “Gum.”

           “Oh...yeah..cool…”

           “He’ll be here soon.”

           “Who will?”

           “Sebastian.”

           “Sebastian?” Joseph said excitedly. “You know him? What can you tell me about him?” he asked, hoping it was the same Sebastian.

           “He’s bringing me gum.”

           “Oh…” Joseph hesitantly sat beside her and decided to wait for Sebastian.

           Juli hummed loudly to herself, picking at a scab on her elbow. Joseph just sat there awkwardly. She didn’t seem very talkative right now, though she had yesterday. Joseph didn’t want to bother her, but he really wanted an excuse to talk to Sebastian again, so he stayed, but gave her her space.

           Sebastian showed up about five minutes later. Juli immediately jumped up and ran over. She began rifling through the plastic bag he had in his hand until she found four packs of gum. She took three and skipped back to the spot she’d been sitting at.

           “Oh uh..hey there..Joseph..” Sebastian said with a slight wave. Joseph beamed and waved back. Sebastian looked so hot standing there in front of the steps, the orange and blue sky behind him making him appear like he was glowing. He was definitely wearing the same pants as the day before, but at least he’d changed his shirt. Joseph tried to care about the pants but his mind was more focused on the slight pout in his lips, and the way his shaggy hair fell slightly in his face, and his perfect stubble, and his perfect, amazing, _gorgeous_ eyes.

           Juli interrupted Joseph’s thoughts, bringing him back to reality.

           “Jojo, did you know Seb and I are gonna be cops together one day?” she beamed up at Sebastian.

           “No, but my name’s not-” he started, but was cut off.

           “Yeah we’re gonna be the best police out there! We’re gonna be partners hunt bad guys together!” Juli said excitedly.

           Joseph watched as Sebastian pursed his lips slightly. He seemed pretty skeptical of the idea.

           “Yeah…sure..” Sebastian hesitated. “Anyway... _I’m_ gonna join the academy soon as I get out of this dump.”

           “What?” Juli protested. “No! You gotta wait for me!” she pouted unhappily.

           “Juli, I’m blowin’ this joint the second I graduate. I’m not waiting around two more years for a sophomore. Plus you-....well two years is a long time, and you’ll probably change your mind. Hell, three months ago you wanted to be a dolphin trainer!” Sebastian insisted.

           Juli just glared at Sebastian. “You’re just jealous cause you know I'll be better than you, lazy bones. Who knows if you’ll even graduate!” she scoffed, and rode off on her skateboard.

           Joseph just blinked, his eyebrows raised a little. “Um-...you know...I actually gotta go, too so….” he said nervously, and quickly walked off.

\---

          Joseph made his way to his English class, trying to put the little incident behind him. Sure he hadn't done anything wrong, but it was still awkward. Maybe he should have stayed with Sebastian and comforted him a little. Though Juli did seem to have a point. Sebastian had a sort of defeatist attitude, and Joseph could tell even from one day he was a bit of a slacker. He _had_ participated in gym, but from what he saw in Spanish, he didn't seem to care about his schoolwork very much.

           Whatever. Sebastian was just some guy. Joseph had more important things. _He_ cared about his school work, and he was going to talk with his teacher.

           The English teacher’s was named Mrs. Peterson, who he recognized as one of the other Spanish teachers. She had soft, almost golden brown eyes with long lashes, and clear light brown skin. Her wavy black hair was pulled into a ponytail with a red scrunchie, hanging over her left shoulder. She wore a black slim fitting 50s style dress with white polka dots, and a red ascot around her neck, and matching glossy red heels. Her makeup was perfect. Her clothes were perfect. Her room was neat. There was a bouquet of fresh red roses sitting in a vase on her desk. Everything matched. Everything was perfect. The _perfect_ way to start the day.

       Ms. Peterson, who Joseph learned was named Rose, and he was allowed to call her such if they were to be acquainted, seemed slightly skeptical of his story at first. If Joseph didn't know better, he would be, too. But thankfully, he’d been in this predicament many times before and a quick flash of his doctor’s notes cleared everything up.

           They talked for about ten more minutes before the bell rang, and people started to trickle in. Apparently Ms. Peterson- he was not ready to call her Rose -hadn’t been joking when she’d told him most people didn’t show up first hour. Or if they even bothered, they'd be late and be disruptive and rude as they came in in the middle of the lesson, slurping at cheap coffee. However, only two people showed up late, and they weren’t too bad. Nothing he couldn’t handle, as long as he wasn’t already stressed and panicking. Maybe today would be alright.

\---

           Before Spanish class started, Joseph went over to Sebastian who seemed to be texting someone, also chewing gum.

           “Hey..” Joseph smiled nervously. “So...what was all that about this morning?” he hesitated, not wanting him to be offended by bringing up the previous rough, if not rocky, start to their day.

           “Huh?” Sebastian asked looking up from his phone, not expecting the question. “Oh, Juli. I just brought her some gum. She’s a pal o’ mine, I guess. She needs it to stim and she basically begged me cause I was already at the 7/11 gettin’ some break-”

           “No. No that’s not what I meant,” Joseph stopped him quickly. “I mean...Well...You want to be a police officer?” he smiled.

           “Yeah, man. Think it’d be pretty cool. There’s enough crooked cops out there, an’ I wanna make a difference. Help people and shit,” Sebastian shrugged. “Plus, I’m a pretty good shot,” he joked.

           “Well that’s..really cool..What about Juli?” Joseph asked, hoping he could get to the subject he had wanted to talk about.

           “What about her? If ya mean why, well I guess she wants ta help people ‘s’well. She’s got a good heart. Though she probably stole the idea from me. But..”

           “Yes..?” Joseph persisted.

           “Well, it’s just that she’ll never make it.”

           “Oh..?”

           “She just..well I mean, she’s kinda retarded, dude..” Sebastian shrugged.

           There it was.

           “And it’s not like it’s her fault or anything. I think she’s got Autism or something. She’s a real great kid an’ all, don’t get me wrong. And there ain’t nothin’ wrong with bein’ retarded ‘s’long as you just keep it to yourself and shit, and know your limits. Police work would be way too much for her. She couldn’t handle it. She gets spazzy a lot, and has a stupid obsession with cats and the triangle. She’s not even too smart. She wouldn’t fit in.”

           Joseph frowned deeply. He desperately wanted to defend his new friend, but he wasn’t sure what to say. And he didn’t want Sebastian to think he was weird or stupid as well. Whatever. Maybe Sebastian wasn’t so perfect after all.

           “You can’t hold her back because of her mental illness,” Joseph said firmly. “I’ve only known her two days, but she’s an amazing person. She’s capable of anything she can put her mind to. I’ve seen how people treat her, like she’s a freak. Like she can’t do anything for herself. But just cause a person has challenges doesn’t mean they can’t work past them. Name one thing she couldn’t possibly do as a police officer.”

           “Sit still and do paperwork,” Sebastian said frankly.

           Joseph narrowed his eyes slightly, his lips pursed.”Well from what I’ve seen, you don’t seem incredibly capable of that yourself,” he remarked, turning on his heels and walking to his desk.

           He felt his stomach sink in his body, his palms getting clammy, and his ears and cheeks tinged red. He should not have done that. That was terrible. He was an idiot. He regretted ever opening his mouth. Sebastian hated him. He’d tell his friends. God, he was popular...soon the whole school would know...What had he done...He had _fucked_ _up_.

           Joseph tried to swallow the growing lump in his throat, threatening to choke him, but it only made things worse. He felt sick. He shakily sat down in his desk, feeling like he was going to puke at any second. Hesitantly, Joseph looked back at Sebastian for a brief second. He was just standing there, looking kind of shocked, his mouth hanging open slightly. Joseph turned a deeper shade of red and tried to busy himself in his notes from the other day. They weren’t even real notes, just the rules and syllabus, but he could at least pretend to have something to look at.

            The bell finally rang after what felt like an eternity, and Joseph saw Sebastian walking over out of the corner of his eye. He froze, his face paling. This was it. _This was how he died._ Insulting a cool hot guy. Maybe he would have the courtesy to shoot him with one bullet straight through the skull. No, that was ridiculous. Guns weren’t allowed on school property, though...who knows how many kids had one in their pocket. Would Sebastian? He wouldn’t be surprised. But no, he wouldn’t want to pull a gun in school. He could be suspended. Maybe he didn’t care.. No. He’d grab him by the throat perhaps, and pull him out into the hall, or maybe not even.. Maybe he’d let everyone watch as he got beaten to a pulp, right in the middle of the room.

           Joseph was so caught up in imagining his death that he didn’t even notice that Sebastian had just taken his seat at his desk. It wasn’t until the teacher called his name for attendance that he snapped back to reality, blurting out a quick “here!” once he realized what was happening. Joseph breathed a sigh of relief. Somehow, he’d been spared.

           He was able to relax a little after a few minutes. It helped to take notes, and today there was almost borderline useful stuff. The rest of class went fine, though he darted out the second the bell rang. He did _not_ want to risk having to speak to Sebastian _at_ _all_.

\---

           Chemistry was much better than the day before. The teacher had changed the seating chart after the talking incident, which Joseph was very glad for. He’d moved Joseph up to the front, which was what he preferred anyway, and Alvarez seemed content in the back row. The class passed quickly, and soon it was already over.

\---

           In band, Joseph sat next to Juli again. She was chewing her gum again, and her helmet had been replaced by a dark grey baseball cap she wore backwards on her head. Hats weren’t allowed in the school, but she didn’t seem to care. He decided it was best to not bring up his conversation with Sebastian. He didn’t want to hurt her feelings, plus Sebastian would probably have his ass for that. Wait, that sounded gay… God dammit.

           Joseph tried desperately to stop think about Sebastian. He practiced on his slide trumpet and tuned it up from the fluctuating temperatures of being moved from Canada to Washington over an airplane and a moving van.

           When he finished tuning his trumpet, he put it away and listened to Juli, who had been talking to him the whole time, though he hadn’t been listening. He jumped right as she was explaining about how calico cats- like the one on her shirt - were almost only girls. Joseph  wanted to add that his hemophilia worked the same way, only in guys instead of girls, but he figured she wouldn’t care, and would just be bored of him switching the conversation to himself and interrupting her. Instead he just nodded along as she talked. It really was cool how much she knew about animals. She eventually asked his favorite animal, and he told her that it was a whale shark.

           Juli frowned. “I don’t like sharks. They’re scary and evil. I don’t want to die yet. That’s why I don’t swim. I don’t wanted to be eaten. Sharks will think I’m pretty tasty, I think. I’m an easy target for the kill.”

           “What? Why are you scared?” Joseph asked, a bit defensively. “Whale sharks are filter feeders like the basking shark and the megamouth shark. There are only three species of filter feeder sharks in the whole _world_. They’re amazing. They eat stuff like plankton and krill. But no sharks are violent. The stigma that the media has created around the violence of sharks is incredibly offensive and completely incorrect. There are only four species of sharks with any significant numbers of human kills and only about a dozen that are even potentially dangerous to humans. Sharks don’t like to eat people. Sometimes they can get confused by flailing swimmers, thinking they’re fish. But even then if they _were_ to bite a person, they would quickly _swim_ _away_. Sharks are afraid of humans. They don’t want to mess with you. Humans are _not_ tasty to sharks. Unprovoked, sharks do not attack humans. You have a greater chance of winning the lottery than getting bit by a shark. Movies like Jaws and The Shallows are incredibly offensive to these amazing animals. In fact, Peter Bently, the man who wrote the book Jaws was based on, felt terrible for how he made so many people hate sharks and be afraid of them.

           We should be protecting and saving them instead of being afraid. We’ve ruined their habitat with pollution. Sharks are hunted for their fins, or just out of fear sport. They are caught in fishing nets. We put them in way more danger than they put us in. Sharks are not the cold blooded killers that the media represents them as. It is cruel and not fair to treat these animals this way. Sure they have a lot of teeth, but we aren’t afraid of dolphins, which are in fact more aggressive than sharks. We aren’t afraid of armadillos, and they have the most teeth of any land mammal. So why should sharks be any different?” Joseph ranted passionately. "If you give me your email, I could forward you a bunch of amazing articles how sharks are not our enemies. I’d be more than happy to give them to you, as well as the card for my site,” he said, pulling one out of his bag. “thetruthaboutsharks.com. It’s really a great site. There’s lots of helpful information and pictures and descriptions of different spec-” he started proudly, before realizing Juli hadn’t been paying attention in the slightest, slumped down in her chair and looking bored.

           Joseph sighed heavily and looked down. Of course he had to go all weird at the only kid in school who genuinely seemed to enjoy his presence. He’d insulted her fear and bored her with dumb shark information. He really needed to pay more attention to what other people thought when he started to go off on a tangent about something he was passionate about. Most other people were not passionate about sharks.

           He had wanted to ask if he could eat lunch with her, but that was out of the question, at least for now. Joseph hesitantly asked her a different question to try and spark her own interest back up.

           Juli definitely perked up when Joseph asked her some new questions about cats, and quickly went back to talking about her cat, her favorite breed of cat, how many cats she’d had, etc. Joseph smiled softly, and felt proud of himself for fixing the situation.

           “Where do you eat lunch..?” Joseph finally got the courage to ask, a few minutes before the bell rang. “Would you mind if I joined you…?”

           “Oh….” Juli frowned, looking away. “No….I gotta go to the stupid counselor's office...I gotta eat lunch with her…” she mumbled, kicking the floor with the toe of her shoe.

           “Oh..I’m sorry…” Joseph responded softly. He wanted to ask more but knew that that would be incredibly impolite of him.

           “She doesn’t think I’m..’fit for the environment,’” Juli huffed, rolling her eyes angrily. “I don’t care if people make fun of me or hate me..I just want tater tots..”

           Joseph was about to point out all of the germs that went into cafeteria food from the ridiculously unsanitary environment, not to mention the fact that you had no idea what was in it. From bouncing, glow in the dark hot dogs to bananas vibrating violently from all the ants inside it, you could definitely not trust school food. However, he managed to keep his mouth shut this time.

           “Well...I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then..” Joseph said with a small smile as the bell rang. He waved slightly as he watched Juli walk away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's insanely long and not terribly angsty, but next chapter has some Good Angst™
> 
> Sources for sharks:  
> http://www.nationalgeographic.com/adventure/lists/surfing/the-shallows-shark-myths/  
> www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/next/nature/why-you-wont-be-attacked-by-a-shark/
> 
> Fun fact:  
> my friend:'maybe his parents bought his the sharks.com domain for his bday!!'  
> me: 'omg perf lets look it up for more info bc im a nerd and research everything before writing it'  
> You have to give Sharks.com your name and email and phone number to learn how much it costs. It's about 1.5 million fucking dollars so I said fuck that, and thetruthaboutsharks.com is not real so yay!  
> But, Sharks.com won't stop emailing me about if I'm gonna buy the site or not, and if I can make an offer that's more my price range  
> Like,,,,sorry, man, that's $1 (which I actually emailed back finally xD)  
> UPDATE: They still occasionally email me asking if I would like to make a new offer


	5. Lunch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joseph is confronted by the Haunted when he accidentally sits in 'their area.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAJOR TRIGGER WARNINGS: Lots of homophobia and bullying, and slurs (including the f slur)  
> This chapter is pretty intense

           Since eating with Juli wasn’t an option, Joseph decided to go to the nurse’s office again. The cafeteria was still too scary. It probably would be for a while. Plus, it was probably filthy, and he really didn’t want to make a scene of having to clean everything in front of the whole school. It was easier to deal with if it was just a desk, but there was no way he could put his food down on a sticky germ infested table. Even though tables in the cafeteria were generally cleaned more often than the desks at a school, they were just quickly slapped with an old dirty mop soaked in old dirty chemicals in an old dirty bucket. In the nurse’s office, things had to be sanitary because of all the sick kids. And though he didn’t really have much faith that this new nurse actually cared that much, he was almost completely alone if he had to wipe something down.

           Joseph made his way to the nurse’s office as he contemplated his problems with cafeterias. Just as he walked inside, a mousy red-headed boy who was sitting on one of the cots vomited into the bucket in front of him. Joseph nearly threw up himself, his eyes blowing wide open. He stepped backwards in horror, looking to the nurse. Tatiana just sat there watching the sick kid. Slowly, she turned her head and looked up at Joseph with a quizzical eyebrow.

           He practically ran from the room as if he’d just witnessed a murder.

           Of course. Just his luck. The cafeteria actually seemed like a better option, now. Perfect. Splendid. Wonderful. He felt sick, too. This was not what he had wanted to do. Joseph’s eyes lit up excitedly. He could eat in M. Hubert’s room! He was sure he wouldn’t mind. Though just as he turned around, he remembered that yesterday his teacher had told him he was out taking his kid to therapy on Thursday, and that his room was not open. Joseph nearly hit his head against the wall. He took a deep breath and did his best to calm himself before making his way to the lunch room.

           Joseph crept anxiously through the cafeteria, looking around for an open place to sit. He didn’t have any friends, yet, and no usual spot. He knew no one, and didn’t want to interrupt them or invade their space. 

           He spotted Sebastian across the room, and he felt warm and dizzy all over again, though this time he made sure it wasn’t a nosebleed. Joseph scolded himself slightly.

           ‘He’s way out of your league,’ he reminded himself, though he still couldn’t help himself from staring dreamily.

           He started to make his way over, hoping he was at least enough of an acquaintance of his to be able to sit at the same table as him. After all, he had been relatively friendly at the water fountain in gym class.

           Getting closer, Joseph noticed the guys from earlier, and quickly stepped back, hoping he hadn’t been seen. Thinking back, the same three guys had been standing in Sebastian’s group when he first met him. He felt sick. Sebastian couldn’t really be friends with them, could he? They were probably talking about him right now even, infecting his view on Joseph, annihilating any possibility that Sebastian might care about him in the slightest.

           Joseph swallowed and ran out to the patio. It was nice that this school had a small area to eat lunch outside, since lunch wasn’t open campus. It was pretty much empty, though it smelled faintly of cigarette smoke. He wrinkled his nose slightly, but was thankful for the peace and quiet. Since there were only a few people around who didn’t seem to be paying him any attention, Joseph wiped off one of the small stone tables and sat down. Even with the smell, this was much better than sitting in the loud lunchroom at a dirty table. 

           He slowly ate his lunch; more soup, though this time tomato basil, and wrote in his journal. Across the patio came the sound of one of the doors opening, and a guy speaking.

           “I’m just going out for a quick smoke, alright? You can join me, I guess, if you really wanna..” he heard a voice say, though he couldn’t tell anything about the speaker from far away, and didn’t turn to look, not wanting to seem as if he was listening. He quickly tried to busy himself with his food, closing his little diary. As he heard the group get closer, he quickly hid his face in a book, trying to ignore the growing smoky smell.

           “Hey, punk, this is our spot,” he heard a familiar gruff voice say. Before Joseph had time to process who was speaking to him, a large pair of firm hands clapped roughly onto his shoulders, making him jump, his thermos flying out of his hand. Joseph yelped and quickly stood up, desperately trying to wipe the soup off the guys pants with some napkins that were on the table, apologizing rapidly. He was more focused on apologizing, wiping soup from his grubby jeans, grabbing more napkins, and repeating to notice how awkward and weird he was, his hands all over this dude’s stomach and crotch.

           He felt two different hands on him now, shoving him backwards. Joseph stumbled back against the table, tripping into his seat. He looked up to see two new guys. They were huge. Bigger than the largest of the three from earlier by far. They were definitely siblings, if not twins. One was standing right in front of him, looming over Joseph, his big muscled arms crossed over his broad chest, the other at Joseph’s side, almost encircling him. Behind the two were the three ‘Haunted’ from earlier as well as. Next to them was Sebastian, looking thoroughly confused, stained with soup from his stomach to his thighs. 

           Joseph swallowed hard looking scared, going to fix his glasses which had fallen crooked on his nose when he was shoved. The sibling in front of him spoke first.

           “What the fuck do you think you were doin’ back there, gettin’ all handsy on Seb, there?” he grunted, narrowing his eyes suspiciously. 

           “Y’know, I thought you had a thing for  _ me _ ,” Alvarez scoffed, stepping up to join the circle, “but it seems little faggots like yourself are always so greedy. You do anything to get to touch someone, wouldn’t you! Come on, say it!” he snapped, stepping in closer and grabbing his jaw, using his thumb on Joseph’s chin to pry open his mouth.

           Joseph’s eyes widened in horror and he tried to shake his head, starting to protest but was cut off.

           “Say it!” he spat angrily, right in his face. His breath was terrible. It was like old garlic before, but now there was an added scent of fake nacho cheese and cheap chewing tobacco. He didn’t even know kids still smoked, with all the warnings and lessons about how terrible the consequences are. Didn’t he know about all the health risks, all the diseases and cancers, and all that permanent damage? It was absolutely vile, and when Alvarez opened his mouth to speak, he could see some red patches and sores on his tongue and- He was being yelled at. He wasn’t supposed to be examining his attacker for signs of mouth cancer. Alvarez had said something..he was supposed to respond.

           “No!” he said quickly as he gathered his thoughts back to the moment. “I-..it was an accident I swear I never meant to, you just startled me, and- And I swear I didn’t even know who it was!”

           “Yeah, sure, that’s why you sat at our spot. So you could get Sebastian to come over and feel you up? Bet you loved that, huh?” he sneered, though he let go of Joseph, much to his relief, and turned to face Sebastian. “God, Seb you must feel so gross now. I know you’d never’d’ve touched that freak if you had recognized him right away. You’re a real lifesaver, Neun, getting that creep off ‘im,” he chuckled, punching the sibling that had pushed Joseph, who just gave a curt nod, moving to stand closer to his brother.

           “No, really, I swear I had no idea..I didn’t even realize I was touching him I just wanted to help get my stupid soup off of him. I promise..” he said, looking at Sebastian for help. Sebastian quickly looked away from him, and Joseph’s stomach sank.

           “I think it’s time you learned your lesson, little punk,” Alvarez growled, turning back to Joseph. Just as he grabbed a fistful of Joseph’s white shirt, pulling him up, the five minute bell rang and he swore loudly and threw him back down. Joseph winced hard. 

           “Don’t think I’m fucking finished with you, twerp..I’d beat your ass down right now, but the fuckin’ cops are watchin’ my ass ta make sure I go to class on time. I don’t know what kinda miracle worker you prayed to, but you better thank Jesus you haven’t been turned into pulp yet. And you’re gonna have ta pray a lot fuckin’ harder if ya think that won’t happen if you ever lay your dirty stupid fingers on one of us again, ya hear?” he threatened. “Come on boys…” he growled, and stormed out, the rest following.

           Joseph felt like he was going to throw up. Another day, another two more people to hate him, and the hate from Sebastian only growing. He felt so terrible for spilling his food and touching him. All of this was his fault. Maybe they could have even been friends if he wasn’t such a freak.

           Silently, he made his way to his fifth hour class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sincerely apologize?


	6. Routine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joseph goes back home sad and stressed, and has trouble falling asleep that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is basically a cool down from the previous intense chapter. This is all I have written so far (I've had drafts of these last two chapters for months but only just now finished them), so it could be a hot sec before I update again, and I'm really sorry about that. But all the previous chapters are updated too if you wanna go back and reread them because they have cool new snipets. (Or not, I don't really expect you too. I just had to fix up some plot holes and edit some grammar).

            The rest of the day was a blur. Joseph didn’t speak to anyone, keeping his thoughts focused on his school work, trying not to think about everything that had happened. He knew it wasn’t good to push it all away. He knew he should take better care of himself. He should be trying harder to get his problems in check. This wasn’t a private school where he could let himself be babied. This school was real.

Sebastian never showed up to gym class. Joseph figured that was probably for the best. He really didn’t want to talk to Sebastian right now, and he most certainly couldn’t risk any temptation of staring at him as he exercised. 

\---

            Joseph’s dad picked him up from school right on time. Even though he really didn’t feel like talking to anyone, especially about his day, when his dad asked, he didn’t want to be rude or make him think anything was wrong. His parents would worry like crazy if they didn't know how the events transpired, but had suspicions from hostile behavior. And if they did know everything, he wouldn’t be surprised if they had heart attacks, or went to the police, or tried to sue. 

            He sighed heavily and went up to his room almost immediately. His mom tried to follow him up, at least attempting to get him to eat some of the red bean buns and umeboshi onigiri she’d made. She’d even gone through the trouble of making the smooth Koshian bean paste which was a lot more work, though she said it was to celebrate the start of the school year. Joseph was extremely grateful, and felt terrible, but he still brushed her off, saying he had math homework. The shorter, older woman looked a bit hurt and confused, but left him alone, saying something about going to talk to his father.

            It took Joseph nearly three hours to finish all of his homework. He mentally kicked himself for it, since the simple task should have taken an hour at  _ most _ . But he was so distracted. Every few minutes, he’d space out, vividly reliving the day’s events. He sat there, unmoving, staring blankly at his work, while inside his head was a wildfire of madness and anxiety.

            When Joseph finally packed up all his schoolwork, he realized how hungry he was. As if to mock him, his stomach growled loudly. Sighing, he slunk down the stairs, making his way to the kitchen. 

            He ate dinner with his parents, smiling and talking about school so far. Joseph did his best to steer clear of certain subjects, but found it was very difficult. But difficult was better than lying. He hated lying to anyone, especially his parents. Though lately, lies had been spilling out of his mouth almost automatically, just to keep himself out of trouble. And that just made him feel worse. 

            Things felt nearly normal as he went through his nightly routine. Joseph thanked his mother for the meal, took his meds, showered, put on his pyjamas, and slipped into his bed. Just the same routine as every other night. Simple, dependable, normal, orderly.

            He closed his eyes, hoping to quickly slip into a pleasant sleep. But as soon as all the noise stopped and everything went dark, all he could hear we Alvarez’ threats and taunts, flinching still at the words that weren’t actually being said. Joseph lay there for almost an hour and a half, curled up in a trembling ball, his eyes shut tight, trying to block out his attacker’s cackling voice.

            Finally, he stumbled out of his bed, tripping over the sheets he’d tangled himself in as he panicked. As quietly as he could, Joseph snuck downstairs to his parent’s bathroom, and began rifling through the medicine cabinet. In under a minute, he found his mother’s sleeping pills. She never took them anymore, so she wouldn’t notice. He hesitated slightly, reading the label for warnings about any effects on the blood or clotting. An hour of research on medical websites, nothing incredibly helpful turned up.

            Joseph sighed softly and took a sip of the tea he’d made to help him research and calm his nerves. It failed to do the second, but tasted good, nonetheless. The thought of taking the pills without knowing the consequences filled him with anxious dread, but he decided that his need for a calming sleep was greater than his anxiety.

            Yes, he was probably worrying too much over his safety and was overly cautious about unknown medicines. But considering his abundance of medical problems, he felt a little more justified, especially with every other contributing factor. Both of his parents were extremely intelligent doctors, his mom a retired ER nurse, and his dad a surgical oncologist. Joseph had lived under their careful protective watch his whole life. His parents always made sure he knew exactly what his meds and procedures did. They made sure he always had a small first aid kit on him when he was younger, and now he just carried it automatically, like his parents’ precautions had been hardwired into him. He needed to know everything about everything. Uncertainty meant danger. So he went back to Google.

            Fifteen minutes later, Joseph found vomiting, dizziness, drowsiness, increased anxiety, and suicidal thoughts/tendencies. But many people took the same combination and found it absolutely fine. Before he could psyche himself out any further, he snapped one of the white tablets in half. He could not even take a full dose. How much harm could half a pill do?

            The whole thing was entirely in his head as he slipped back under the sheets and almost immediately passed out. Taking half of a pill wouldn’t do anything to help him sleep, especially since that wasn’t its main purpose. However, nearly four hours had gone by since Joseph had first attempted to sleep, and the research and anxiety had wiped him out.

\---

            When he woke up in the morning, Joseph felt completely himself. Not great, but still smiling. But within seconds of sliding out of his bed and putting on his glasses, his mood crumpled like a house of cards in the wind. Memories from the previous day hit him hard in the chest and he winced, quickly sitting back down on the bed to regain his balance. He took a deep breath, letting his eyelids fall shut for a moment as he collected himself. He slowly adjusted his glasses back into their proper place, and stood up again.

            Joseph was absolutely exhausted. He splashed some cold water on his face to try and wake himself up more, but that just ended in him staring wearily at his reflection in the mirror, looking at the bags under his eyes. He yawned as he undressed and washed up. Normally, he tried to not let his OCD get the better of him and bathe more than once a day, but he actually was kind of sweaty from his anxiety-ridden sleep. He could give himself a slight sponge bath and call it good enough with some deodorant.

            He desperately tried to push out the thoughts telling him that it wasn’t good enough, and that he needed to shower and get as clean as possible. As Joseph shoved away the thoughts scratching at the back of his brain, leaving his on edge. He then realized that the whole time he had been fighting with himself inside his own head, he’d been brushing his teeth. Glancing at the clock, it had been over five minutes now. He spat out the toothpaste in his mouth, wincing at the slight blood in his spit from where he’d scrubbed his gums raw.

            Joseph quickly swished mouthwash between his cheeks and spat it back out, racing to get dressed in time. He wasn’t late, but he wasn’t on schedule, and schedules were extremely important to him. This three extra minutes he’d spent on brushing his teeth could be the three minutes he’d scheduled into his routine to leave room for traffic. Even if school didn’t start for another two and a half hours, he still felt scared and rushed.

           Joseph stumbled down the stairs, his sock feet sliding on the polished hardwood. He nearly fell, but his dad’s firm grip on his shoulders stopped him. Joseph took in a sharp breath, a bit startled, but quickly realized it was just his dad clad in a thin blue robe over a grey tank top, white pyjama pants, and slippers.

            “Hey, buddy,” his dad said, looking a bit concerned. “Are you okay? You seemed more...anxious and shut off than normal..You know you can always talk to us, right…?”

            Joseph winced slightly. He hated lying to his parents. “No..no it’s fine, really. I’m alright. I’m just..adjusting is all..” he said, not making eye contact. 

            “Alright…” his dad said hesitantly. “You’ll let us know if you need anything, okay?” Joseph felt sick. His dad looked so worried, and the only thing he could do to help the situation would be to actually tell them what was bothering him. And that would make the situation catastrophic.

            So Joseph just smiled widely and kissed his dad’s cheek. “Of course, always,  _ otosan, _ ” he insisted, beaming.

            His father gave Joseph a small pained smile, but nodded. “Alright…your mother is waiting for you. They aren’t fresh anymore, but she resteamed the buns for you,” he said, walking up to get dressed.

            Joseph nodded and made his way to the dining room to find her. “ _ Okaasan. _ .?” he called, not seeing her. “ _ Maman _ ?” he tried, peering into the kitchen where he found her humming softly along to her music as she stirred a pot of oatmeal. Joseph smiled and walked over, hugging her from behind and kissing her cheek. She jumped slightly, a bit startled, then laughed happily when she realized it was just Joseph. 

            “My son,” she beamed, kissing his cheek in return. She was a slightly stout woman, standing about 5’4”, her jet black hair styled in a bob that curled perfectly around her round face. Many laugh lines and wrinkles surrounded her eyes and mouth, making appear much older than she was, which was only 51. She was already dressed and ready for work, clad in a fuzzy pink cardigan buttoned over a white blouse, and grey slacks. Simple but stylish, as always. 

            His mom was a very kind woman, and Joseph loved her very very much. Even though both his parents were ridiculously overprotective of him, and babied him a lot, he appreciated how well taken care of he was. And as a result of all the private schools, and tutoring, he was extremely well educated and mature for his age. 

            And Joseph fully understood why they were so incredibly protective of him. He had a lot of very serious and potentially life-threatening issues, and his parents didn’t want him dead. But he knew how to take care of himself now. Sure he needed to get rides to the doctor’s for frequent checkups and, but he didn’t need to be reminded to take his meds, or exercise, or have his medical ID card or bracelet on him at all times. He knew how to give himself his shots, stop a bleed, and what to do if he was having a panic attack, but his parents hovered over him just the same.

            He thought about all of this as he sat at the breakfast table, slowly nibbling at a bun, staring off into space. The rest of the week went like that, with Joseph just going through the motions of his daily routines, and dissociating through school, focusing only on his studies, hardly noticing the other students around him. A week, maybe two more, passed like this; Joseph switching between eating in the nurse’s office and M. Hubert’s room, avoiding conversations with anyone except them and Juli. 


	7. Collision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Joseph says he's not a typical horny teenager, and he is a typical horny teenager.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There isn't anything very explicit in this chapter. Eventually, (probably next chapter) there will be, but this chapter just turned into more angst.

          It had been  _ weeks _ since Joseph had even spoken to Sebastian. He did his best to avoid sitting anywhere in his general direction in Spanish, and always pretended to tie his shoe, or go get water any time Sebastian walked within 10 meters of him in gym class. He kept his head down and stayed silent in classes with him. And yet he couldn’t get the husky brunette out of his mind. In fact, the more Joseph tried to ignore him, the more Sebastian seemed to penetrate his every thought. He couldn’t get his mind off the way the flecks of green in his brown eyes glinted mysteriously, hinting that there was much more to him than what he showed the world. Maybe that’s why Joseph couldn’t let him go. He couldn’t help thinking that there was just so much more to Sebastian than met the eye. Despite him being a problematic asshole, and letting Joseph be thrown around and get called those horrible names, Joseph could  _ tell _ that deep down he was a good guy. But maybe he was just delusional… Maybe he was just romanticizing his abuser, trying to make an excuse for his inexcusable actions. 

          Nonetheless, Joseph was completely consumed with Sebastian. When he got dressed, he wondered if he would think his outfit was cute, or if it was just dumb and tacky and gay. When he ate, he wondered what kind of food he liked, or what he had for lunch that day. Even when his thoughts turned fearful, they still concerned Sebastian. Of course he was afraid of Alvarez, and the rest of the Haunted gang, but what really scared him most was the rejection from Sebastian. The fact that he didn’t even care when they hit him. That he said nothing when they called him those terrible things. Which meant that he probably  _ believes _ them, too. His  _ crush _ probably  _ agrees _ that he’s nothing but a disgusting, pathetic- No. No he couldn’t afford to go there. The idea was too terrible for him to fathom. Joseph knew he would just spiral him further into a depressive state, and that could end badly. So he had to just focus on believing that deep down, Sebastian might be a good person. The thought plagued his mind that could one really be a good person if they saw injustice, but just stood by and let someone be tormented. It nagged  at the back of his head, letting the dark thoughts fester there like cold black tendrils of fear seeping their way into his brain and corrupting his thoughts. No, enough with the depressing imagery. He had to focus on something else.

\---

          As it turns out, ‘something else’ meant more Sebastian. Of course he couldn’t get the boy out of his head. There was  _ literally _ nothing he could do to escape him. No matter how much Joseph tried to avoid him, they just kept running into each other. And quite literally.

          It was gym class when  _ it happened _ .

          Gym was literally literally the worst class for countless reasons, but now that he couldn’t play off the excuse of not having his gym clothes, Joseph was forced to change. He managed to get around it by either changing in the bathroom stall, which was disgusting, and he really really hated, or by waiting until everyone else had left the dressing room to go in and change. He did want to risk even glancing at any even partially naked men. Especially with their taught, bulging muscles after working out. There was no telling what his unpredictable penis would do, and he definitely didn’t want to be caught staring or popping a boner. Especially at Sebastian. McGuffin and Johnson were in the class, too, and Joseph knew they’d instantly rat him out to Alvarez. And then he’d be dead.

          So today was no different. He’d hid in the little alcove where the drinking fountain and entrances to the bathrooms lay, and watched as all the boys came out in their muscle tanks and basketball shorts. Sebastian wore the same gym clothes every day; a baggy faded blue shirt, loose fitting maroon running shorts that cut off at the knee, and a grimy pair of old one theoretically white sneakers. In fact, most of the other boys, and a few of the girls, did the same. Joseph found them absolutely revolting. These boys constantly reeked of stale sweat covered with an excessive amount of axe body spray. The least they could do would be to bring their clothes home at least once a week and actually wash them. But no. These boys weren’t men. They were absolute pigs.

          Joseph on the other hand brought his clothes home  _ every  _ day. Today he was wearing a saffron yellow shirt from a charity run and some maroon short, tight running shorts. The cute old vintage kind with the white trim along the sides. Joseph liked these shorts in particular, not just because honestly they’re both sexy on hot buff dudes, but were still adorable on scrawny shrimps like him. Honestly, these sort of vintage booty shorts could make anyone’s butt look good, even Joseph’s non existence one. Joseph wasn’t a horny kid by typical standards, but he’d still really like just look at some hot, well endowed guys in those tight shorts. Joseph also liked these shorts in particular, because the color almost perfectly matched with Sebastian’s. It was pretty lame, he knew, but the fact still made him a little giddy. For a second, he imagined Sebastian wearing his own short shorts, which were definitely at least a size too small, and left absolutely nothing to the imagination. Joseph blushed to himself and very quickly pushed the thought away. Now was certainly not the time to be fantasizing over his crush.

          Today, the coach didn’t have anything in particular for them to do, so they just had free gym. So some guys lifted or did exercises on their own in the weight room off to the side, some played basketball, or soccer, and other just ran laps around the gym. Joseph watched as Sebastian was pulled out from the weight room- where he must have been lifting, judging by his swollen biceps that were exposed by his rolled up sleeves. McGuffin pulled him over to where he and some other guys were starting a game of basketball, saying something about needing one more team member. With no friends of his own, Joseph just put in his earbuds and ran laps. 

          After about 30 minutes, Joseph decided he really needed a drink. He grabbed a paper towel from the roll on the wall, and wiped off his slightly sweaty brow. After washing his hands very thoroughly- he didn’t wear his gloves during gym, just refused to touch any equipment without wiping it down first,- he made his way to the water fountain nook and got a long drink.

          Around the same time, the basketball game finished, guys clapping each others’ sweaty backs, and heading off in various directions to continue working out, start changing, or just ditch out early.

          Unfortunately for Joseph, Sebastian happened to be one of those guys that actually knows a thing or two about hydrating after sweating so much. So when Joseph straightened upright and turned around, he crashed right into Sebastian. Joseph’s eyes widened into saucers and his face went red with embarrassment. He was about to apologize for running right into him so forcefully like that, but his legs thought before his mouth did and they took off running back to the track.

          Joseph felt like such a dumbass. Like a perfect cliche of a 80s high school romance film. But the way they’d collided, their bodies meshing together just like they were made to fit together, is own slim body pressed up against Sebastian’s strong, firm, sweaty one, well, it really did feel like one of those love at first sight moments. He really should be pushing all of these thoughts from his mind but now the  _ touch  _ of Sebastian felt permanently etched in his mind. His pecs were so unyielding and prominent against Joseph’s flat chest, and he could  _ feel _ his slightly erect nipples protruding out from under his sweaty gym shirt. If it was anyone else’s sweat, he might have a panic attack on the spot. But all Joseph could think about was Sebastian over top of him, grunting lewdly and sweaty from their rough- Fuck.  _ Fuck _ . Joseph needed to stop thinking about him like that. He could feel himself getting hard now, and the way his gym shorts rubbed uncomfortably against his warming crotch certainly didn’t help at all. For once in his life, Joseph hated how tight unyielding these shorts were. His face was growing red and his whole body felt hot and tense. Fuck, he really needed to get out of here before someone noticed him about to cum in his pants like some fucking horny middle school fuck boy.

          He walked as fast as he could without arousing- fuck what a bad word-  _ drawing _ . Without  _ drawing  _ suspicion to himself, and stumbled into the boys changing room. He regretted it  _ immediately _ . Joseph nearly had an actual heart attack as he stared at Sebastian. He was lifting his shirt up over his head exposing his taught shoulder blades and muscular back. His baggy gym shorts hung a little low on his hips, exposing the white elastic of his Calvin Kleins.  The real question was whether he wore boxers, or briefs. Goddammit, Joseph, no, that was  _ not  _ the question. The question was how to not get murdered for watching Sebastian changed. Thankfully, Sebastian wasn’t facing him, so this was Joseph’s time to get out without causing any more trouble. But all he could to was stare, absolutely fixated on a drop of sweat rolling down the curve of Sebastian’s back right where it met his firm butt. He needed to get out of here. He needed to stop stare before- Well that. Sebastian had turned around to see who had come in now that he had removed his shirt. Joseph couldn’t really read his sexpression. No no no that was NOT the right word. EXpression. Sebastian’s cheeks were a little pink but that definitely could have been from working out. And he looked surprised to see Joseph, but that could be because Joseph never changed when there were other guys in here. Fuck, he’d seen him now, and he needed to get out but- Woah. Joseph’s mouth opened slightly and let out the smallest little noise as he stared in absolute awe at Sebastian’s perfect  _ abs _ . He had such a fit figure, yet still had a bit of chub around his hips and abdomen and Fuck. Just fuck was all Joseph - and his dick- could think. He wanted to reach out and run his fingers over Sebastian’s toned physique. 

          Joseph was definitely rock hard now and it probably showed, but he didn’t  _ dare _ look down and check for the inevitable tent in his pants. His face was bright red and burning up and shit he could feel a nosebleed coming on. To make matters worse, his anxiety was beginning to kick into full gear, and he felt hot, wet tears burning at the backs of his eyes. He tried to reach for his handkerchief, but realized he wasn’t wearing his normal slacks. So Joseph just stood there panicking as blood began to gush down his face. It took multiple seconds of blood pouring from his nose, eyes full of fearful tears, before Joseph was able to rip his gaze away from where him and Sebastian had locked eyes. It was a forcible effort to make his body turn away and run, but he somehow managed, dashing out the backway of the locker rooms, and into the empty hallway.

          Fat tears began to fall down his cheeks, mixing with the stream of blood covering his lips. Joseph began to run (more like stumble) as fast as his shaking legs could carry him. Eventually, he found his way outside to where kids were already starting to gather as it was nearly the end of the day. He collapsed onto a bench by the street, praying his father would be there soon to pick him up. Joseph sighed shakily as he tucked his knees up to his chest, tipped his head back, and pinched his nose shut.


End file.
